I'm
out like the only boy at a pool party in a Speedo
Hi you have reached (your name) at the National Sperm Bank Society, right now we are
having a special half off sale... "u jack off, its half off"'... and remember
"you squeeze it, we freeze it" but right now im with a patient so if you could
leave your name and the date you would like and appointment, i'd be glad to set up a time
and get back to you.. thanks! (your name) (Your secratary at the NSBS)
brb my dog is attacking a little boy in the street
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way, when you
criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
The phone is ringing. Just to let you know that if its you, I am hanging up.
No man is worth your tears and the only one who is will never make you cry.
I'm at my computer, I'm just too drunk to type anything meaningful right now.
24 hours in a day....24 beers in a case... coincidence?
searching Ebay for magnetic booties so my cats can climb up the refrigerator!
The lizards callin if ya know me u'll figure it out if not ask me when i get back
Ya know how when you go to weddings, aunts and grandmas come up to you, pinching your
cheek, saying "You're next!" Well, they stopped doing that shit when I did it to
them at funerals.
im out like a straight dude in a gay bar
Hey..If there weren't people smarter than you how do you know your dumb
Either I'm not here or I'm deciding to ignore you... Let's hope I'm not here, which means
you should leave a message, unless you think I'm ignoring you. In that case DON'T leave a
message.. I'll leave you with that decision.
There is always a deafening silence in a crowd whenever I leave a room. Perhaps it's
my stunning wit and grace that leave people in speechless awe. Perhaps a deep
sadness fills the room as my people realize that they will no longer be graced with my
presence. Perhaps it's because I pumped the room full of nerve gas and everyone is
dead.
If you're not part of the solution, there's good money to be made in prolonging the
problem.
My father loves telling people about how much of him rubbed off on me. I'm actually
rather disgusted with this, but most people seem to be okay with it, although now that I
think of it, I don't think he ever bothered to mention that it was because of the leprosy.
i'm in the shower....bars of soap around the world are jealous.A B C D E F G gummie bears are chasing me, one is
red and one is blue, and a yellow one stole my shoe.
I'm out working mine off, so I can kick yours later.
i'm out like dale earnhardt on a stretcher
I'm out trick-or-treating on the highway dressed as a deer,
I'm out like a one-armed man on monkey bars
Im OuT L!kE a StUp!d KiDd iN a SpELLiNg B
im out like a 6 year old in a wet t-shirt contest
Dude! Im like TOTALLY surfing in a puddle right now i will be back later Bro!
i tried to sniff coke once.....but the ice cubes got stuck!
I'm out like a cheese burger at fat camp.
Right now im usin my sex organs...wanna know how....i ripped off my pants flung open da
door an an sat on da toliet damn i hadda piss....whatchu think i was doin silly...brb
Hey BRB im partying with my dogs there're getting me drunk with their beer
heres an away msg...wanna play a little game? its called pearl harbor. to play. you just
sit back and let me blow the hell out of you ;-)
If you think life is bad..... How would you like to be an egg? You only get laid once. You
only get eaten once. It takes four minutes to get hard. Only two minutes to get soft. You
share your box with 11 other guys!! But worst of all...the only chick that ever sat on
your face was your mother!!! So cheer up, your life isn't that bad!!!!
gone like pie in a room full of fat hungry kids
My lazy ass is watching T.V and doesn't know when it will be back
I'm sleeping, and am dreaming wonderful things...but it's not you
I'm taking a shower because you wouldn't want me stinkin...would ya?
Homework SUX...But it's gotta be done...unfortunately
I am at church right now. Unlike you I don't want to be consumed by the flames of Hell.
The phone is ringing and apparently I need to answer it when that happens or it won't
stop.
I used to have an open mind but my brains just kept falling apart..
I lost 10 pounds on the Krispy Kreme Diet! ask me how :-D
Do you ever get the feeling that someone's reading your away message?
Being amused by the screensaver..I'll be back.
Hey wait, let me decide I'm here or not... till then please leave your message. I will get
in touch with you once I get out of this confusion.
I'm away, be back when I return.
Picking the fuzz off of my socks. I'll be back when I'm all done.
Hello. Is your fridge running? Well mine is and I'm around the house trying to catch it.
So I'll be back in awhile.
There are 4 kinds of people in the world. One kind is people who are blinde and cant tell
that i have an away messeage up. The 2nd kind is people who dont have common sense and
decided to I.M me any way. The 3rd kind is people who see the away messeage up and dont
im.The 4 kind is people who have common sense and knows how to use it. Obviously ur either
blind or dont have any common sense at all. Take ur pick.
Loves a sensation caused by temptation when a guys location goes into a girls destination
to increase the population of the next generation use your imagination to get my
explination or do you need a demostration???
I wanted to kill the sexiest person alive until i realized damn suicides a fuckin crime
I Am A Princess, I Live In The Clouds, If You Wanna Kick It With Me, You Better Bow Down,
So Get On Your Knees, And Call Me Your Highness, Cuz Baby Believe Me I'm (were ever u
from) Finest!
If it wasn't for masterbation, teenage boys would all be serial killers.
Band Geeks may not play sports, but ladies, think about our "technique". Do
jocks practice with their mouths and hands that much?
Hey %n, Why do you view my profile and never leave a message? Why am I added to your buddy
list yet you never send a message or say hello? How is it you once said you loved me and
called me friend or brother or family and now all you do is hide behind my away messages
instead of seeing if I miss you too.
Love is grand. It is a shame most only play at it and never know what it is without
feeling dependant on someone for it..........
Why is it that girls always complain that guys dont spend as much time getting ready yet
when we take an hour (or 2) shower, they complain and ask what we are doing in there?
Im out like the black on michael jackson
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO QRSTUVWXYZ, you're prolly wondering where the p is....its about to go down
my leg in a second!
I am not talking to you, which means I DON'T want to talk to you.
Last night I dreamt I ate a ten-pound
marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone
Practice safe sex and being nice to strangers. Be particularly careful when combining the
two.
A is for Academics, B is for Beer. One of those reasons is why I'm not here
yankee doodle went to town riding on his mother, every time they hit a bump he got a brand
new brother
Two wrongs don't make a right but three lefts do
i'm out like a fat kid loves cake
if u drop a cat out ur window is it animal abuse or kitty litter...
brb........ sex, drugs, rock n roll, speed, weed, birth control. fuk the panties, buy a
thong, party hard all nite long. drink tequilla take a shot, fuk a guy u think is hot.
lifes a bitch, then u die fuk the world lets all get high
Hungry? ... Why wait? ... Grab some McDonald's!!
last night i lay in my bed looking up at the stars in the sky and i thought to myself,
"where the hell is the ceiling?"
Did you know that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the population?
A nuclear
error, but I have no fear
London is drowning-and I live by the river
Fuck
I
Never
Actually
Learned
Shit
(your name)'s computer is broken right now. This is her fridge. Now, you can leave a
message, but say it slowly, so I can write it on a post-it note and stick it to myself.
8-)
The ice age is coming, the sun is zooming in
Engines stop running and the wheat is growing thin
Random
erection, walking it off...
I'm out like.....the side (outside).
I've got my backpack packed,
I've got my shoes tied tight,
I hope I don't get in a fight!
lol
Gettin my learn on at school!!! (totally sucks balls)
Annoyin people like you, make people like me need medication!!
Dont play hard to get, play to get me hard
Girls are like bandaids, use them once and get another that isnt worn out & infected
So... the elephant says to the camel " why do you have 2 boobs on your back?
"the camel replies" "thats a pretty good question coming from someone that
has a dick on ther face
If you think life is bad know, how would you like to be an egg? You only get laid once.
You get eaten. You share a box with 11 other guys. |
